Roasted Balsamic Portobellos with Tomato and Feta

I am going to start off by admitting that mushrooms are a little weird. It's like...what the heck are they, really? A fungus?! A fungus that reproduces with spores, like some alien invader? They have a thick, meaty texture, but they aren't animals? They have gills, but they aren't sea creatures? They are high in vitamins and grow out of the ground, but they aren't vegetables?

Over all, mushrooms just have sort of a weird reputation compared to other foods.

You hungry yet? :)

Hey, I think mushrooms are delicious. Think about it this way: you get the satisfying, savory texture of meat, with the low-calorie vitamins of a vegetable. Jazzed up with a tangy balsamic marinade, sweet tomatoes, and salty feta, you have yourself a delicious and healthy meal!

And so, with the hope of standing up for mushrooms everywhere (hey, I do live in Boulder now...), I give you my Roasted Balsamic Portobellos with Tomato and Feta. 

Ingredients:

• 2 large portobello mushroom caps. Deliciously meaty, portobellos make for a great main dish. They tend to shrink down quite a bit as they cook, so two caps a meal do make.

• Handful of cherry tomatoes, sliced in half. Kinda depends on how big the mushrooms are...you just want enough that when sliced in half, they will cover the mushrooms.

• Handful of crumbled feta cheese. Don't use the reduced fat kind. For some reason, it has the same amount of calories as the full-fat feta, and it tastes like crap and doesn't melt.

• 1/3 cup balsamic vinegar

• 1 tbsp. honey. The sweetness helps balance the acidity of the balsamic.

• 1 tbsp. olive oil

• 1 tsp. minced garlic

• 1 tsp. dried thyme. When in doubt, always add thyme to mushrooms. It is like the peanut butter to mushroom's jelly. That sounds weird, but you know what I mean.

• 1 tsp. dried rosemary

• 1/2 tsp. salt

I prepare this in the oven, but it would be great on the grill as well. If you want, you could even make yummy portobello burgers with these by just throwing them on a bun. It is such a low-calorie dish that you are entitled to some carbs if you want to, dammit!

Directions:

Prepare your marinade in a small bowl by whisking together the balsamic vinegar, honey, olive oil, garlic, rosemary, thyme, and salt.

Cooking for One TIP: Pour out your tablespoon of olive oil BEFORE you pour out the tablespoon of honey...the residual oil on the spoon will help the honey slide right off. Neat, huh?

Wipe any visible dirt off the mushroom caps (don't wash them, since they will absorb all the water and become tough). Yank out the stems, which I promise you will find oddly satisfying.

Put the mushroom caps and your sliced cherry tomatoes into a large Ziploc bag (this blog post brought to you by the fine folks at Ziploc!**) and pour in your marinade. Slosh the bag around to make sure everything gets evenly coated, and store in the fridge for at least fifteen minutes, and up to a few hours. Mushrooms are like sponges and will soak up all the delicious flavors even faster than meat does.

**False.

Heat your oven (or toaster oven) to 450 degrees. Put your mushrooms cap side up on a foil lined baking sheet, leaving the tomatoes in the bag with the marinade. Roast for 10 minutes.

After 10 minutes, remove the mushrooms from the oven, flip them over so they are cap side down, and top evenly with the sliced tomatoes. Drizzle any remaining marinade over the mushrooms and tomatoes, and return to the oven for another 15 minutes.

Remove the mushrooms from the oven, sprinkle with the crumbled feta cheese, and enjoy your healthy, flavorful meal! You still may not understand what the heck a mushroom is, but I promise you will love this dish.

Braised Brisket with Vegetables: Hannukah Part One

As this blog continues through a time warp, taking you back to holidays that ended weeks ago, I now bring you my three part Hannukah series!

Hannukah is the time of year when Jews gather to celebrate an obscure historic event that happens to miraculously coincide with the month of that Christian fun-fest known as Christmas. While Christmas may beat Hannukah when it comes to decorations, songs on the radio, and general fanfare, I would still take Hannukah food over Christmas food any day.

I mean really. Turkey? You just had that for Thanksgiving. Ham? No Jew in their right mind would eat that.




Good ole beef brisket is a traditional choice for a delicious Jewish holiday dinner. As long as it is handled properly, this big hunk of meat becomes fork tender, juicy, and a perfect hearty main course.

Brisket Tips:

• If you are going to sear the brisket first (recommended) let it sit out til it comes to room temperature first. Don't worry, you won't get E.Coli. And it will sear much more effectively.
  

• Pretty much the longer you cook it, the better (within reason, of course!) It is great in a slow cooker, but the one I have wasn't big enough.

• If you can, make the brisket the day before you plan to serve it. It really is one of those dishes that tastes even better the next day. Plus, if you refrigerate it overnight, skimming the excess fat off the top of the sauce is a piece of cake. To make ahead, just slice up the meat, pack it up in the fridge, and reheat in the oven before serving.

• Always slice the brisket against the grain. That means take a look at which way the lines of meat run and cut perpendicular to them. This will make each bite of meat easier to chew.

Though my Braised Brisket with Vegetables requires a long cooking time to achieve that tenderness, you can just leave it in the oven all afternoon and go about your dreidel-spinning activities. Enjoy!


Ingredients:

• 3-4 lb. beef brisket. Preferrably labeled "first cut." I don't know why that's supposed to be better, but that's what Food Network tells me. Brisket is relatively quite inexpensive (spare me a Jewish joke, here).

• 28 oz. can crushed tomatoes

• 1 can beef broth

• 1/2 bottle red wine

• 2 bay leaves

• 2 tbsp. dried thyme. You can also use fresh if you have it.

• 2 tbsp. dried rosemary. See above.

• 2 tbsp. minced garlic

• 1 onion

• 2 carrots

• 2 stalks of celery

• 5 red potatoes

• Salt 'n pepa

• Olive oil

My brother enjoyed the sauce so much he was practically drinking it. Whether that reflects more on the quality of the sauce or my brother's table manners remains to be seen.


Directions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare your veggies: peel and chop your onion and carrots into large chunks, cut your celery into large chunks, and halve your potatoes. They should all end up approximately the same size.

Throw em in the bottom of a big ole roasting pan.




Now comes an optional step: searing the brisket. It adds beautiful color and extra flavor to the dish, but honestly, you are cooking the thing so long that the flavor difference is going to be minimal.

If you have the time and inclination to sear it, just heat some olive oil in a big ass skillet over medium high, sprinkle the brisket with salt n' pepa and put it in the skillet to develop a nice browned crust on both sides. (As you can tell, I probably should have let mine sear even longer.) When it is done, lay it on your bed of vegetables in the roasting pan.




Pour the beef broth into the searing pan to help scrape up any burned bits of meat stuck to the pan. This will help add nice flavor to your sauce. Then, pour in your crushed tomatoes, garlic, rosemary, and thyme. Let it simmer for a few minutes.




Pour the sauce over the meat and vegetables. Don't think I forgot about the wine! Pour it into the pan until all the liquid comes about 3/4 of the way up the meat. Stir the liquid a bit so the wine gets mixed into the tomato sauce, and throw in your two bay leaves.




Cover the roasting pan with foil and bake for at least 3 hours (ours took about 4 hours). At that point, you can start checking on the meat. Feel free to baste it with the sauce or even flip it over if the top is looking dry. You will know it is done when the meat easily falls apart with a fork. The longer you can cook it, the better.

Put the brisket on a cutting board, cover it in foil, and let it rest for about 15 minutes. In the meanwhile, you can put the vegetables in a serving bowl and pour the sauce from the pan into a gravy boat.

Slice the brisket thinly against the grain and serve with the sauce and vegetables.




Pour out the rest of your bottle of wine and enjoy. L'Chaim!

Sweet Potato Casserole with Marshmallow Topping: Thanksgiving Part Two

Here is a riddle for you: when is a vegetable not a vegetable?

Answer: when it is whipped up with eggs and cream and sugar and spices and slathered with maple syrup and marshmallows!

This recipe, my friends, is a vegetable in dessert's clothing. After all, pretty much everything in life is a little bit better when it is overrun with marshmallows.... s'mores.... hot chocolate.... whole cities.....




Okay, maybe not cities. But definitely my Sweet Potato Casserole with Marshmallow Topping. This dish reeks of delicious fall flavors and is the perfect holiday side dish.

Sorry, broccoli, there is a new "vegetable" in town.


Ingredients:

• 5 large sweet potatoes. Pretty much the only redeeming nutritional aspect of this recipe. If you are lazy and/or strapped for time, I suppose you could also use canned sweet potatoes, but I make no guarantees since I haven't tried it this way.

• 2 eggs

• 1/3 cup heavy cream. Loosen up that belt, it's the holidays!

• 2 tbsp. maple syrup, plus more to drizzle. I mean actual maple syrup, not that nasty Aunt Jemima pancake high fructose corn syrup bullshit.

• 1 tsp. vanilla extract. If you don't have it, don't worry about it. But it is a fantastic flavor addition.

• 1/2 cup brown sugar

• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon

• 1/4 tsp. nutmeg

Topping:

• 1 big ole handful chopped pecan pieces. I bought the kind in a bag called "pecan chips" and they were perfect for the topping.

• 1/2 package mini marshmallows. Say hello to your old friend Jet-Puffed.

One of the best parts about this dish is that it is easy to make ahead of time, which is crucial if you are trying to make an epic Thanksgiving feast like I did.

Just make the casserole minus the topping and pop it in the fridge overnight. Let it come up to room temperature the next day, add the topping, and bake as directed below. Enjoy!


Directions:

If you are making this the same day you plan to serve it, preheat the oven to 350 degrees. If not, see above.

By far the worst part of making this dish is the peeling and chopping of the sweet potatoes. Peeling is time consuming, and you practically need an effing machete to cut through the raw potatoes. Like this guy.




If you have relatives around for the holidays, try to rope them into doing this part. Peel the sweet potatoes and cut them into large chunks.




Put the potatoes in a pot with just enough cold water to cover them and turn the heat to high. Let the potatoes boil away until they are tender enough to easily pierce with a fork, which should take about fifteen minutes or so.




Drain the potatoes and put them in a large mixing bowl. Mash them up with a potato masher (you can buy this at the grocery store and it will make this super easy). Add your cream, eggs, syrup, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg.




You may finish mashing with the potato masher, but if you want a nice smooth casserole, YOU MUST WHIP IT. WHIP IT GOOD. (With a hand mixer). (Preferrably with Devo playing in the background).




Now whip it!
Into shape!
Shape it up!
Get straight!
Go forward!
Move ahead!
Try to detect it!
It's not too late!
To whip it!
Whip it good!




Anyways. Go ahead and spread your mixture into a 9X13 baking dish. If you are making this the day ahead, let it cool down, wrap it up, and stick it in the fridge. Otherwise, proceed to the next step. See? This recipe is like a choose-your-own-adventure!




Drizzle the top of the casserole with a bit more maple syrup. Sprinkle your handful of pecan pieces in an even layer. Then add your mini marshmallows.




Put the casserole in the oven for about 30 minutes or until it is hot and bubbly and the marshmallows are all melted and toasty brown. Your kitchen will smell like fat person heaven. Spoon onto a plate and dig in!



What are some of YOUR favorite holiday side dishes posing as vegetables?

Tuscan White Beans

In general, sidekicks tend to get kind of a bad rap. They are usually just there to support the hero and provide comic relief.

But how can you even have a hero without a sidekick? It's time for the Robins, Pepas, Stimpys, Mini Mes, and Ron Weasleys of the world to stand up for themselves!




The same goes for food. Side dishes are usually an afterthought, relegated to mere soggy microwaved vegetables or greasy french fries. Why not make your side dishes spectacular? My Tuscan White Beans are super easy, healthy, and full of flavor. They are the perfect complement to pretty much any meat, especially chicken or fish.

Make a side dish that stands up for itself, instead of riding alongside the main course in a humorous and slightly pathetic sidecar.




Ingredients:

• 1 can of cannelini beans, mostly drained. Also known as white beans. Leave a bit of the starchy liquid in the can, as it will help thicken the dish.

• 1 can diced tomatoes, mostly drained. Leave some of the liquid in the can. Feel free to use regular or Italian style tomatoes.

• 1 big ole handful of spinach leaves. Tear them into smaller pieces.

• 1 small onion

• 1 tbsp. minced garlic

• 2 tbsp. Italian seasoning

• 1 splash of white wine. You can just sort of eyeball it. Italian cooking is all about playing around with your ingredients (while expressively waving your hands in the air). If that makes you uncomfortable, I would estimate roughly 1/4 cup or so.

• 1 splash of balsamic vinegar. See above.

• 1 small splash of lemon juice. I dunno...maybe about a tablespoon?

• Olive oil
  

• Parmesan cheese. Optional, but who doesn't love parmesan cheese?
  

This hearty side dish could even make for a nice lunch by itself with a nice hunk of bread. Enjoy!


Directions:

Heat a saucepan to medium high and drizzle with a bit of olive oil. Chop up your onion and throw it in.




Once the onion has softened, add your minced garlic and stir to cook for a minute. Pour your splash of wine into the saucepan to let it soak into the onion and garlic for another minute.

Then add your partially drained tomatoes and Italian seasoning.




Add your balsamic vinegar, lemon juice, and spinach to the mix. Let the spinach leaves wilt down in the saucepan.




Finally, add your can of mostly drained beans. Any remaining starchy liquid from the can will help thicken the mixture. Stir and cook until the beans are heated through. The longer you let it simmer, the better (I would recommend about fifteen minutes, but you can serve immediately if you are in a hurry).




Pour into a bowl, top with parmesan cheese, and serve!

Herb Roasted Cornish Game Hens and Vegetables

When you think about it, everything is cuter when it is in miniature. Doll houses, teacup puppies, babies....everything is better when it's tiny. Well, almost everything.




If you have never tried them, Cornish game hens are basically miniature chickens. A single Cornish hen makes the perfect elegant individual dinner portion. They are very inexpensive, easy to make, and an impressive please-your-man kind of dish.

Instead of pleasing my man with this dish, I invited over my sorority sister Betsy to teach her how to make the hens. Hilarity ensued.

"If they're called Cornish game hens, where are they from? Corn?"




Anyways, the next time you feel like throwing together something a lil extra fancy (yet still super easy), give these babies a try!


Ingredients:

• 2 Cornish game hens. They usually sell these in a frozen two-pack at the grocery store. Make sure to give them at least a day or two to thaw in the fridge!

• 2 large carrots

• 3 stalks of celery

• 2 onions

• 5-6 small red potatoes

• 1 cup white wine

• 1 can chicken broth

• 1/2 cup olive oil

• 1 tbsp. minced garlic

• 1 tbsp. dried rosemary

• 1 tbsp. dried sage

• 2 tbsp. fresh thyme leaves. Or you can use 1 tbsp. dried thyme.

• Salt and garlic pepper

Feel free to add more or less vegetables; you basically just need enough to create a nice bed for the hens. Also, feel free to substitute any other herbs you may have on hand. Well, maybe not ANY other herbs.... ;)


Directions:

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Cut up your vegetables into bite sized chunks of equal size and throw them into a roasting pan (or large baking dish if you don't have one. You could also buy a foil roasting pan to throw away after for easy clean-up!)

Save a few chunks of the onion and set them aside.




In a bowl, whisk together your olive oil, garlic, rosemary, sage, and thyme.




Now it's time to get down to the business...put on some sexy Marvin Gaye music and lay down your lovely hens on the bed of vegetables, breast side up. Now massage them tenderly with the delicious herb and olive oil mixture you just made, making sure to work it into every nook and cranny....don't be afraid to get messy and show those ladies some love. We named ours Henrietta and the Duchess of Cornwall.

Oh, and then stick the leftover onion chunks up their butt. You can cut the Marvin Gaye music here, cause there ain't nothin' sexy about that.

Sprinkle the hens and veggies with salt and garlic pepper to taste, and pour the wine and chicken broth into the pan.




Pop the hens in the oven for 45 minutes, and then raise the heat to 400 for 15 minutes to get them nice and beautifully browned. You will know they are done when the legs move freely in their sockets and the juices run clean when you stick a fork or knife into the thickest part of the thigh.




Let the hens rest for about 10 minutes so the juices get absorbed back into the meat and they stay nice and moist (sorry for those of you who hate the word "moist".) Then spoon the veggies onto a serving platter and lay the hens on top. Gawgeous!




Optional: If you want, you can create a super flavorful and simple gravy by pouring the pan juices into a small saucepan. Whisk in about a tablespoon of flour and let the mixture simmer over medium high until it's nice and thick. Pour through a strainer to remove any lumps. Enjoy!

Chinese Beef with Broccoli

There are few worse things than having a supreme craving for Chinese food, calling in a take-out order, going to pick it up, and taking a bite, only to find a gloopy, salty mess of unidentifiable meat and soggy vegetables.

When Chinese food is good, it's amazing. When it's bad, IT'S HORRIBLE!! Stop settling, my friends.




Chinese food is quick, easy, and inexpensive to make on your own. Below is my recipe for a classic Chinese Beef with Broccoli, done the Cooking for One way.

What is the Cooking for One way, you may ask? It's coming home from work, ravenous, knowing you don't have a lot of food on hand, but you want Chinese food and you want it now, dammit! I'll show you how.


Ingredients:

• 1 package (about 3/4 lb) boneless, thin beef. Mine specifically said "Perfect for Stir-Fry!" I believe it was beef eye of round, already sliced thin to make my life easier.

• 1 bunch of broccoli. Frozen florets would work great as well.

• 1/2 package button mushrooms

• 1 can sliced water chestnuts, drained

• 1 tbsp. minced garlic

• 1 tbsp. minced ginger. I use the kind in the tube from the grocery store. It keeps in your fridge FOREVER. Well, at least for several months.

• 1/4 cup flour

• 1 tbsp. garlic powder

• 2 tbsp. sesame oil
  

Sauce:

• 1/4 cup flour

• 1 can beef broth

• 1.5 tbsp. brown sugar

• 2 tbsp. soy sauce

That's it! It really only takes about fifteen minutes to make. Most of this stuff you probably already have in your fridge/freezer/pantry/under your bed, and you can feel free to add or subtract veggies at will. This recipe also makes enough to have delicious leftovers for lunch the next day**


**Read: drunkenly later that night.


Directions:

Chop up your mushrooms and broccoli (if using fresh instead of frozen florets.) Then slice up your beef into strips against the grain.

What does this mean? Look at your meat and see which direction the fibers are running. Cut perpendicular to that direction (also known as the Lorena Bobbitt cut). This will help ensure your meat is nice and tender!




Put your beef strips in a Ziploc bag with the 1/4 cup of flour and 1 tbsp. garlic powder, and CLOSE THE BAG. Give it a nice shake to coat.




In a small bowl, whisk together your sauce ingredients.




Heat your sesame oil to medium high in a skillet. Once it's nice and hot, add your beef.




Let it brown for a couple minutes, and then flip the pieces over.




Once the other side is brown after a minute or so, take out the beef and put it on a separate plate. Don't overcook it or it will get tough! It should be nice and seared on the outside, but still pink and juicy in the middle.




Add your minced garlic, ginger, broccoli, and mushrooms to the skillet. Toss to combine.




After the veggies have heated through (broccoli tender-crisp, mushrooms soft and brown), add your sauce and water chestnuts to the skillet. Let the mixture get nice and thick and bubbly for a few minutes.




When the flour has thickened up your sauce so it coats the back of a spoon, add your beef back to the skillet to warm through and soak up the deliciousness.




Make some quick rice or noodles to go along with it, pour into a bowl, and enjoy your hot tasty Chinese food!