Stacy's First Visit to Cracker Barrel

Now that I have been in the South for over four years, I decided it was high time to finally fulfill a rite of Southern passage. Now, I'm not talking about going to the rodeo, eating fried oreos at the state fair, goin' swimmin' in a swimmin' hole, or learning to love country music (been there, done all that.)

I'm talkin' 'bout Cracker Barrel!

Being a Yankee most of my life, whenever I passed Cracker Barrels on the highway I always thought they were souvenir shops, not the repositories of greasy Southern goodness that they are. When I discovered there was one mere minutes from my apartment, I decided my time had come.

50,000+ calories of artery-clogging goodness later, I am ready to deliver my full report to you all.

My Order:

• Chicken fried chicken with gravy (I shit you not, that's what it was called)
  


• Mashed potatoes with gravy
  


• Steak fries
  

• Green beans
  


• Buttermilk biscuits

All of it deeeeelicious! The chicken fried chicken was a boneless chicken cutlet fried to crispy breaded perfection and topped with Sawmill Gravy. I liked having the taste of fried chicken without having to deal with bones.

The biscuits were pillowy bites of butter-soaked heaven. The mashed potatoes weren't stellar, but then again, I am a potato snob, and the fries and green beans were delicious.


Things I Loved About Cracker Barrel:

1) The store full of random ass things to look through while you wait to be seated.

Seriously, they sold everything from Patsy Cline CDs to vegetable seed kits to patterned quilts to old fashioned soda. It was like Laura Ingalls Wilder and Dolly Parton had a love child on crack. And I loved it.

2) The front porch with rocking chairs. Yeah, the chairs cost over a hundred dollars each if you wanted to buy one. Yeah, they were covered in about an inch of yellow-green pollen (hurray, Durham in the springtime.) But I gotta say, it was delightful to plop down in these babies after an enormous belly-buster of a meal and just rock.

It made me long for days of yore....

3) The peg game at each of the tables. I hadn't seen one of these anywhere else besides my grandparents' house...I thought they had invented it and whittled the damn thing themselves. Imagine my shock when I saw them at our table.

Way more creative than a kids menu with crayons! Props, Cracker Barrel.

4) People watching. 'Nuff said.

Things I Disliked About Cracker Barrel:

1) The interior. Yeah, it had that barn-like charm you would expect. However, it eerily reminded me of those crappy restaurants you find at amusement parks like Six Flags. The whole place felt very mass-produced. There is something sort of inauthentic about a giant nation-wide chain that tries to imitate a small-town atmosphere.

But hey, at least there were some interesting knickknacks on the walls!

2) Massive, massive heartburn.

3) The "Low-Carb Menu." This simultaneously amused and angered me.

Let's imagine you are an under-educated, overweight Southern hillbilly. You look in the mirror one day and realize you're so fat you are about to bust out of your overalls, and you are beginning to resemble the hogs you keep out back.




One day you walk into your favorite local Cracker Barrel and order up some grub. You decide to play it healthy this time, and the Low-Carb Menu catches your eye.

"Low Carbs? What the heck are carbs?" you grunt at the menu. "I think I done heard those fancy science folks talkin' on TV 'bout them! This must mean it's healthy!"

So you open your menu to the Low-Carb section, and the first thing you see is:

Half Pound Bacon Cheeseburger-- Our half pound burger is served with no bun and topped with thick sliced bacon and two slices of melting Colby cheese. Served with your choice of side.

WTF?!

Either Dr. Atkins owned stock in Cracker Barrel, or these people SERIOUSLY don't understand healthy choices.


Stacy's Final Thoughts (Jerry Springer style):

Overall, Cracker Barrel offers tasty food, good service, a fun atmosphere, and low prices. But at what cost?

The fact that they serve up incredibly unhealthy food at dirt cheap prices is part of the reason why Americans are so grossly obeise. If this is the type of place many Americans go to treat themselves to a special occasion, what are we teaching people about the relationship between junk food and reward? If a half pound bacon cheeseburger is on the healthy option menu, how are we educating Americans to make good choices?

While I enjoyed my experience at the Cracker Barrel, I hope America isn't enjoying it too much.

What are YOUR thoughts about Cracker Barrel and other similar institutions? Fun greasy havens, or the root of all evil in the American diet?

Pasta Alla Stacy

Since I finally got to break Passover last night at sundown, I decided to do it with a vengeance: mounds of pasta!

I love this pasta dish because it is very tasty and isn't swimming in sauce. I used ingredients I had in the fridge, but feel free to add some of your own favorite veggies as well. This recipe makes enough for two or more meals, and it's great reheated.

Mazel Tov!




Ingredients:

• 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast. Shrimp also works great in this pasta if you have some.

• 1/2 box of penne. Feel free to use whole wheat pasta if you can stomach the texture.

• 1 can diced fire roasted tomatoes, drained. Diced Italian seasoned tomatoes work great as well.

• 1/2 package sliced white mushrooms

• 1 small onion, minced

• 1 tbsp. minced garlic

• 1 cup frozen peas. No need to thaw. I use frozen because they taste great, are easy to store, and don't have that weird flavor that canned peas have.

• 1 big handful of spinach leaves, torn. A great way to get rid of leftover spinach that's getting kinda wilted in the fridge!

• 3 tbsp. balsamic vinegar

• 1 tbsp. Italian seasoning, divided. Meaning you won't use it all at once. Duh.

• 1 cup crumbled feta cheese

• 1 tbsp. olive oil

• Chopped fresh basil for garnish. Optional.

Directions:

Prep time! Mince up your onion, slice your mushrooms if you did not buy them pre-sliced, dice up your chicken into bite sized cubes, and chop up your garnish herbs if you are using them.





Put on a pot o' water to boil for the penne. Make sure to salt the water a bit to make it boil faster and flavor the pasta! When it's done boiling you can go ahead and add the pasta, but while you wait you can get started on your next steps.




Heat a sautee pan to medium high. Add your olive oil to heat up for a minute, then add your chicken cubes and onions.




When onions start to become translucent, add your sliced mushrooms and garlic to the pan. Sprinkle and toss with 1/2 tbsp. of the Italian seasoning.




When your chicken is mostly cooked (no pink on the outside, but still sorta squishy) and your mushrooms and onions are soft, go ahead and stir in the balsamic vinegar. This is the secret weapon!




Let the balsamic cook for a minute and then add the can of drained tomatoes, the spinach, the frozen peas, and the rest of the Italian seasoning.




Let the whole mixture simmer at medium low, stirring occasionally, until your penne is done cooking and the chicken is completely cooked through. Drain and pour the penne into a big bowl or container and toss with the chicken and sauce mixture and the feta cheese. Garnish with the fresh herbs, and enjoy!

Scrambled Eggs Over Roasted Asparagus

I was supposed to work this Sunday, but got off because of Easter. Praise Jesus!

Now, however, I was left with the perplexing question of what to have for breakfast. Oh, who am I kidding...I slept til noon. Let's call it brunch.

Typically, I never eat breakfast or brunch. Cue chorus of concerned cries:

"What?! Aren't you hungry in the morning?"
"But Stacy! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day!"

I just generally don't like breakfast foods and my stomach likes to sleep in for a few hours even if the rest of me is awake. However, I have a recipe for a simple, delicious, and healthy breakfast. For some reason, eggs and asparagus are a match made in nutritious heaven.

Up and at 'em!

* DISCLAIMER: Stacy Chudwin assumes no liability for making your pee smell like asparagus.

Ingredients:

• 3 eggs

• 1/4 cup milk. Doesn't really matter what kind you use, but choose skim, fat ass!

• 2 tbsp. minced onions. The kind that you find in the spice aisle. These add a great mild onion flavor that's not overwhelming, as well as a nice lil crunch.

• 1 tbsp. butter. I use SmartBalance butter cause I'm smart. And balanced.

• 1 bunch fresh asparagus

• 1/2 cup shredded cheese. Use whatever kind you like!

• Olive oil

• Garlic salt, salt, and pepper to taste

• Fresh parsley for garnish. Optional if you want to be a bad ass chef.

Once again, not very many ingredients. If you are able to drag your butt out of bed in the morning, you should not need to expend a lot of effort for a healthy and fast breakfast.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. While you wait for the oven to warm up, you can go brush your teef. Preferrably with a bottle of Jack.




Leaving the top of your asparagus bunch rubber banded, cut off the bottom couple inches of the stalks with a sharp knife.




Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil and spread out asparagus in a single layer. Drizzle with olive oil to promote even browning. Season with garlic salt and pepper to taste. Pop in the oven for 20 minutes.




Go get dressed for the next ten minutes.




Break eggs into a small bowl and whisk with milk.




Heat sautee pan to medium high and melt butter. Pour in the eggs.





Stir in minced onions and salt n' pepa to taste.





Let eggs cook, stirring occasionally to let uncooked portion run to the bottom of the pan. Do not overcook the eggs...they are better with this dish when they are ever-so-slightly runny!





Remove asparagus from the oven after the 20 minutes are up. The spears should be toasty warm and slightly browned. Put on a plate and top with the eggs, sprinkle cheese and parsley over the top, and enjoy!



What are some of YOUR favorite breakfast recipes?

Walnut Crusted Tilapia

One of the reasons I love tilapia (besides the fact that I am a cheapskate) is that it is very mild, non-fishy, and goes well with lots of different flavors. If you typically don't love fish/seafood, you might wanna give tilapia a try and see what you think!

This recipe is a Stacy original that is tasty, easy to make, and crazy healthy. The tilapia is baked instead of fried, so you get that yummy crunch without all the extra oil. And walnuts are full of omega-3s! Not really sure what that means, but I hear it's good....

Ingredients:

• 1 tilapia fillet

• 3/4 cup crushed walnuts (buy pre-crushed or crush them yourself!)

• 2 tbsp. Italian seasoned bread crumbs

• 2 tbsp. parmesan cheese. Grate it yourself if you can, or just use the packaged kind from the grocery store.

• 1/2 cup tomato sauce. Use leftover pasta sauce if you'd like!

Bed of spinach:

• 2 big handfuls of spinach leaves, torn

• 1 tbsp. olive oil

• 1 tsp. minced garlic

• Salt 'n Pepa to taste

Once again, just five ingredients! The bed of spinach is optional, but it's easy to whip up while the tilapia is baking and is a very nutritious side dish.


Directions:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Cover a baking sheet with aluminum foil and spray with nonstick cooking spray. Makes clean-up super easy cause you can just throw away the foil after!




If your walnuts aren't pre-crushed, you can always crush your own nuts (that's what he said?) Put them in a Ziploc bag, CLOSE the bag so you don't get walnuts everywhere, and whack away with a rolling pin, heavy pan, or your forehead until they are nice and crushed.




Mix the crushed walnuts with the seasoned bread crumbs and parmesan cheese.




Put the tilapia fillet on the baking sheet and coat with the tomato sauce. This will help the crust stick to the fish, and it adds some healthy flavor!





Pour the dry walnut mixture over the fish, pressing down with a spoon if necessary so the walnuts really cling. Drizzle with a bit of olive oil to help the crust brown.





Pop that sucker in the oven for about 15 minutes, or until the fish is cooked through and the walnut crust is nice and toasty brown. How do you know when fish is done? It should be completely opaque and flake easily when you cut into it with a fork.

That's it! You now have Walnut Crusted Tilapia. If you would like to make a bed of spinach for it, here's how:

Heat a sautee pan to medium high heat. Pour in your olive oil (thanks to your handy dandy olive oil pourer thing!)





Tear up the spinach a bit and add it to the sautee pan. It may seem like a lot of spinach at first, but you will not BELIEVE the shrinkage that happens to spinach when you cook it!





Add your minced garlic and stir into spinach. Continue to stir mixture occasionally until spinach is fully wilted.





Sprinkle with Salt 'n Pepa to taste.





Pour onto a plate and top with your tilapia. Easy, healthy, and delicious. Enjoy!

Lorenzo's Burrito Bowl

This recipe is slightly adapted from a great one my friend Lauren sent me. For some gender-bending reason Lauren chose the name "Lorenzo" for herself in high school Spanish, hence the name of this recipe. Gracias, Lorenzo!

Lorenzo's Burrito Bowl is great for a healthy and tasty Mexican dinner. It takes less time to make this than it does to go pick up a burrito bowl from Chipotle, and it tastes just as good! *

* FALSE. Nothing tastes as good as Chipotle. But it is delicious, inexpensive, and will save you hundreds of calories. Ole!

Ingredients:

• 1 boneless, skinless chicken breast (thank goodness you bought that giant bag of frozen chicken, right?)

• 1 cup Kroger Tequila Lime marinade (or similar substitute)
  


• 1/2 can of black beans, drained and rinsed
  

• 2 servings of instant brown rice, usually one cup of rice and one cup of water, prepared according to directions on box (if you can't follow those, stop reading this blog, cause you are hopeless)
  

• 1/2 cup shredded Mexican cheese
  

• Fresh cilantro to garnish if you are a bad ass like I am and have a windowsill herb garden. If not, don't worry about it!

That's right, just five ingredients. Feel free to swap regular rice or Spanish rice for brown rice, but brown rice is the healthiest. Normally I hate the taste of it, but the sauce masks it well in this recipe, and it has a nice texture here.

Also feel free to add any other ingredients you like in a burrito bowl. As you will learn, I DESPISE PEPPERS and you will NEVER find them in my recipes! But you may enjoy them in this one.

Directions:

Dice up your chicken breast into bite-sized cubes about 1 in. X 1 in. Keep 'em about the same size so they cook evenly!




Put the chicken cubes into a Ziploc bag with 3/4 cup of your Tequila Lime marinade. Stick it in the fridge for 30 mins (longer if you'd like).





Pound some tequila shots while you wait.





Prepare brown rice according to directions on the box. I usually do the microwaveable instant brown rice, which only takes about 7 minutes to make. Perfect to do right before you move on to the next step!




Heat a sautee pan to medium-high heat and pour in contents of Ziploc bag. Sizzlin'!

Stir occasionally until chicken is all the way cooked through. Since it's in little cubes, it will only take a few minutes-- this is a great time-saving technique!

You will know it's ready when it is completely white and firm when you poke it (that's what she said?). If you are particularly opposed to salmonella, you can always cut open the thickest cube and make sure there is no pink left.

Add your drained, rinsed 1/2 can of black beans as well as the remaining 1/4 cup of marinade. Let it simmer with the chicken until the beans are warmed through and the sauce is slightly thickened. This should only take a minute or two!

Put your brown rice in a bowl and pour chicken, bean, and sauce mixture over the top. Sprinkle with the Mexican cheese, garnish with the cilantro, and you are all done. Arriba!

Delicious, fast, easy, cheap, and healthy. How's that for a first recipe?

Basic Ingredients

So now you are armed with your slow cooker, George Foreman grill, and olive oil pourer thing (plus various other kitchen tools and utensils.) How are you going to stock your fridge, freezer, and pantry? I'll tell you about some staples I have that will save you time and money!

1) Big Bags 'O Frozen Chicken and Fish



By all means, buy fresh if you have the time and money to do so. However, I have found that buying giant bags of frozen meat at Costco and/or Kroger is a fantastic way to assure you are never lacking for an entree, and you save TONS of money buying in bulk. I like the ones with individual vacuum packed portions to make defrosting easier.

Personally, I buy boneless skinless chicken breasts because that has the least amount of fat, and tilapia fillets because they are tasty and inexpensive. Consider these lean proteins the basic canvas upon which you can paint a wide variety of recipes (wasn't that poetic?). Just remember to take a piece out of the freezer to defrost before you head out for the day!

2) Bottled Marinades



Our pantry seriously doubles as a Kroger marinade warehouse. These marinades come in a wide variety of flavors, are low calorie, uber cheap, and super easy to use. Since the first ingredient tends to be high fructose corn syrup, you might wanna consider making and bottling batches of your own marinades, but these guys are fantastic for a quick fix.

Between the frozen meat, the marinades, and your Foreman grill, I could end this blog right there. That's really all you need to make a tasty main dish in no time at all, and with far less nasty sodium and calories than frozen dinners. Consider that trinity your starter program if you are trying to wean yourself off Lean Cuisines and into the world of cooking!

However, if you want to prepare yourself for some of my upcoming recipes, consider stocking up on some of these basic pantry essentials. These are just some of my faves, but this list is obviously not comprehensive:

• Minced garlic. You can get a giant tub of it from Costco and it lasts forever. This is great to add some delicious fresh flavor to your cooking without having to deal with peeling and chopping garlic yourself.
• Onions and potatoes. These are fantastic pantry staples cause they last super long, as opposed to a lot of other fresh produce. Personally, I am a big fan of the Kroger microwaveable baked potatoes cause I love potatoes but don't have the time to scrub them and bake them.
• Canned diced tomatoes. These come in all different varieties (I love fire-roasted and Italian style) and are easy and healthy to add to various recipes.
• Canned beans. Way easier than dried beans. Just make sure to drain and rinse them to get off all that nasty, sodium-filled goop. Super healthy, but beware the wise old adage "the more you eat, the more you toot...."
  
• Pasta. Duh. And no, Ramen noodles do not count. If you can stomach the taste of whole wheat pasta, it is the healthiest. However, I don't like the taste of chewy wood chips, so I buy regular pasta. You can make it healthier by getting the Ronzoni Smart Taste stuff with added calcium, or the tri-color varieties that look pretty and have a whole serving of vegetables in them.
• Low sodium chicken broth. This is useful for making soups, sauces, and even adding great flavor to plain ole rice (use it instead of water when cooking the rice!)
• Jars of pasta sauce. Not only are these great quick fixes for pasta, but can also be added to a number of other recipes for a tomatoey kick.
  
• Bread crumbs. These last forever and are great for binding burgers and adding texture and flavor to recipes. I like the Italian seasoned ones!
• Olive oil. Buy this in bulk cause you will be using it a lot! It is super healthy for you and is great for sauteeing.
  
• Wine: it's not just for dranking. Wine lends fantastic flavor to sauces and marinades, and I always have extra cheap bottles of red and white laying around. Chefs say you shouldn't cook with a wine you wouldn't want to drink, but if you are like me and enjoy a great game of slap the bag with Franzia, feel free to cook with it! I know I have.
• Spices. I know they can be expensive, but they last super long and are a calorie free way to add tons of flavor and variety to your cooking. My favorites are Italian seasoning, minced onions, garlic salt, garlic powder, lemon pepper, thyme, rosemary, cumin, curry powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, bay leaves, and others. But feel free to experiment!

Like I said, this list is far from comprehensive. If you want a more detailed list to fully stock an empty pantry, this list is pretty good.

Happy shopping! And feel free to comment with your pantry must-haves!